Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Self-Esteem

I've realized something new about myself in the past month or so. I've realized that I have really good self-esteem. I know that this is a random thing, but just hang in there with me for a minute. Tonight at work when I heard a girl say to a staff, "You have really big hips." The staff said, "Yeah, I know," laughed, and continued walking down the hall. I thought about it and realized that in order to handle my job, a person would have to be comfortable with their appearance. These girls have no filters on what comes out of their mouths. They are still learning how to be respectful of people who aren't like them. Within the past two months, almost every aspect of what makes me me has been criticized. Twice a week someone inevitably mentions something about my blondeness. I must have explained that I really am a true blonde 15 times, and I've gone through the whole mascara issue more times than I can remember. Sometimes there are lots of blonde jokes. I've even had a girl tell me that I should dye my eyebrows because it would make me look better. I've been asked if I am an albino. They have pointed out my birthmarks. They've noticed my slightly lazy eye. They have asked about the little indention in my chest that looks like a bruise. They have questioned the scar on my forehead. A girl has even said I have a mustache and explained to me that girls aren't supposed to have mustaches. And I think the funniest story relating to this is the following: a girl was commenting on my tan shoes with the deep pink stripes and shoelaces. She said, "You really like those kind of shoes." I said, "Yeah, I guess I do wear these shoes a lot." She said, "No, I mean, you have lots of those kind of shoes. It makes me think you are.... well, nevermind." And in case you are wondering, the ... means gay. Oh man, I laugh thinking about that. I've never been accused of being gay. It is sort of fun. I guess she thinks I should wear huge skateboarding shoes like she and DHigh does (no offense d, I'm just not into those for me.) I am almost to the point where I wear weird things just to see if they will comment on them and think I'm gay or something.
Oh my... so my next question is, "Since when did such comments not hurt my feelings or get to me in the slightest?" And I know the answer. This I must thank my entire crew of college friends. I cannot explain how much they helped me understand that my body is fine, better than fine, wonderful. I don't really know how they truly convinced me, but I thank them for their consistant reassurance. Combined with shrugging off the girls' never-ending comments, this weekend I decided for sure that I'm okay with how I look. I guess Carrie was a little obsessive with the compliments when we went out on Saturday night, and I had to act like I believed her just to keep us from fighting. However, I, for once, said, "yeah, I know I look good" and truly meant it. I just hope I don't get cocky with the self-confidence now that I realize that I have some!

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